Yesterday I taught Gospel Doctrine (Sunday School) for the first time in my life. It was truly terrifying. I felt like I was going to throw up... and think I even dreamed the night before that I did throw up! (and now that I think back, I was definitely the youngest person in the room.)
Well a week ago, on Monday the 18th of Aug, someone from church called and asked if I would mind being a substitute for sunday school? "Sure!" I said. I love to teach. And mind you, I said "okay" because I just thought they would need a fill in for the primary or young men/young women teachers. It wasn't until after that they said "Gospel Doctrine". So I just laughed in disbelief and said, "Are you sure you're not calling for my husband?" I think I kinda went into shock at that point.
I feel like in this ward I have just been volunteering to help with whatever I can. I've told them I would be on committees, just help at YW camp, or whatever! I think I've been doing that for almost 3 years straight and they have never really taken me up on any of my offers. It makes me sad. I want to contribute here. I just feel like I'm not really being utilized, or stretched and I feel like I haven't really grown very spiritually here. I feel I'm not needed. Chris and I both feel that way. Anyway... getting off point. I think I was just in shock cause Chris and I go in waves about church. A lot of the time the kids are sick and tired and we miss a lot of church. I feel like I'm an invisible/semi-inactive... and then they call me up and ask me to teach gospel doctrine....!? just weird!
Well, I studied all week and I think the lesson went okay...it was a little rough for me, and I really didn't feel the spirit as strong as I would have liked too. but I do know that the Lord's spirit did come and help me prepare the lesson. I struggle and struggle all week and then it always happens for me at the last minute, like one or two really clear hours where everything in my head just seems to click and I get it down on paper and I'm ready to go.
The amazing thing about all this.... and this is really where I have gained a testimony of prayer is.... A couple weeks ago i kinda said a little though-prayer in my head. You know where you are talking to Heavenly Father, but its not really formal, and its not particularly powerful or anything... I had said... word for word, "Heavenly Father, I just wish that I could have something that would help me to feel the spirit on Sundays and help me read my scriptures." It was such an innocent thought that I can hardly believe He was sitting there with like a note-pad writing it down... and then at the same time they released the sunday school teachers and He said, "Well, Leisa, here you go. Now you will have to read the scriptures and you most definitely will need the spirit with you on Sundays."
Its amazing really that the Lord is there listening to our most innocent of all thoughts, that are righteous and that He will readily answer them. So I guess... be careful what you wish and pray for.
But I am very grateful for the experience cause I do my best when I have been given responsibility and when people are expecting great things from me. I thrive when given challenges such as this.